I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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