the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Someone shattered a urinal.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
