Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
where are you?
Hypothermia
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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