jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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