Just fell off a train. Bad.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
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