it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
