what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
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