I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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