the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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