having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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