ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
