The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
