...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize