There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
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