i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
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