Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
