Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
