peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
