I think I just saw someone hide a body.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
