You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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