Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Quick, to the slutcave!
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Randomize
