I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
