so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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