Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
