I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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