Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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