so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
