BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
