worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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