was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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