Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Randomize
