Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
