So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
