got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
