Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
