but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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