Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
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