He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
you win again, gameday.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Randomize
