I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
