his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Holy sore nipples Batman
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
