We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
