apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
