It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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