dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
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