Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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