We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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