oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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