I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
