Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
