Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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