Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Shitshow foam night was such a success
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
