u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
