Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
