I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
