She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
