He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
