I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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