Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
