at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
