She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
