I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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