trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
how does that bad decision feel?
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize