I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Randomize
