im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
